My Personality, as I see it.

An introvert, a reliable realist, a minimalist, a struggling Christian, politically incorrect




Many of my childhood memories are gone. I don’t know if I have chosen to forget them or they have just been removed naturally. For the better, it would seem. For in my later years I dwell on enough as it is; mostly bad decisions, poor judgments’ and opportunities missed; the times that I disappointed myself and perhaps others. I’d long to think that somewhere along the line I did something good, honorable or worthwhile but I have not been able to do that. I feel that my shortcomings obliterate anything that I may have done that was good. I can count on one hand happy childhood memories. What is that all about?
Why are we our own worst enemies… Genetics, Upbringing, Society, Satan?
Whatever the reason, these thoughts sometimes take their toll; usually through depression, low self-esteem, anger, resentment. I’ve experienced all of these at one time or another and have even planned my own suicide. I have been so stressed that I have had blackouts. So stressed that I could not pass even a simple stress test without collapsing because my heart faltered. Fortunately, this is no longer the case. It is no longer the case because I chose for it not to be, just like I chose to make the bad decisions, poor judgments’ and chose to miss those opportunities. Nobody made me do it. It’s not the fault of the schools, the police, society or the “system”, just me. That’s good because it should make it simple to fix, right? Perhaps.
I believe that life in general was never meant to be easy and that is not our choice per say. I believe that true contentment has to be fought for in some way, shape or form. It is not necessarily just dumped in our lap, and I think that is a good thing.
When you buy something you get what someone else thinks you need. When you build it yourself you get what you need. I believe we are born with instincts, instincts that make us breathe, eat, and even poop. I believe we are also born with a basic knowledge of right and wrong. We are sort of pre-wired, if you will. As we grow from a child we are given information, instruction and guidance from others as a foundation to grow on. This is because we are a blank canvas, an empty hard drive or whatever terminology you want to use. We basically know nothing worldly, only our basic instincts. Sometimes this information and guidance is well grounded, sometimes it’s not. Sometimes it’s a mix. What parts should we believe? How do we pick? After all, we have nothing to base anything on. Many people choose to take the easy road and just accept things as they are presented. If it doesn’t work out then they can always defend themselves by blaming someone else. I chose to try to determine the logical truth.
To make changes in my mind I chose to fight the “world”. I’ll explain later what I mean by that.

Life: Chapter 1

February 5, 1951

In 1951, the world was a different place.
There was no Google yet. Or Yahoo. Or Kim Komando, for that matter.
In 1951, the year of my birth, the top selling movie was Quo Vadis. People buying the popcorn in the cinema lobby had glazing eyes when looking at the poster.
Remember, that was before there were DVDs. Heck, even before there was VHS. People were indeed watching movies in the cinema, and not downloading them online. Imagine the packed seats, the laughter, the excitement, the novelty. And mostly all of that without 3D computer effects.
Do you know who won the Oscars that year? The academy award for the best movie went to An American in Paris. The Oscar for best foreign movie that year went to Rashomon. The top actor was Humphrey Bogart for his role as Charlie Allnut in The African Queen. The top actress was Vivien Leigh for her role as Blanche DuBois in A Streetcar Named Desire. The best director? George Stevens for A Place in the Sun.
In the year 1951, the time when I arrived on this planet, books were still popularly read on paper, not on digital devices. Trees were felled to get the word out. The number one US bestseller of the time was From Here to Eternity by James Jones. Oh, that’s many years ago. Have you read that book? Have you even heard of it?
In 1951… The new United Nations headquarters officially opens in New York City. Nuclear testing at the Nevada Test Site begins with a 1-kiloton bomb dropped on Frenchman Flat, northwest of Las Vegas, Nevada. Hank Ketcham’s best-selling comic strip Dennis the Menace, appeared in newspapers across the U.S. for the first time. The trial of Ethel and Julius Rosenberg begins. The United Kingdom begins an economic boycott of Iran. I Love Lucy made its television debut on CBS. Judy Garland begins her legendary concerts in New York’s Palace Theater. The National Ballet of Canada performs for the first time in Eaton Auditorium. John Huston’s drama film, The African Queen, starring Humphrey Bogart and Katharine Hepburn, premieres in Hollywood. The Marshall Plan expires after distributing more than $13.3 billion USD in foreign aid to rebuild Europe.
That was the world I were born into. Since then, me and others have changed it….or have we?
The Nobel prize for Literature that year went to Pär Lagerkvist. The Nobel Peace prize went to Léon Jouhaux. The Nobel prize for physics went to John Douglas Cockcroft and Ernest Thomas Sinton Walton from the United Kingdom and Ireland for their pioneer work on the transmutation of atomic nuclei by artificially accelerated atomic particles. The sensation this created was big. But it didn’t stop the planets from spinning, on and on, year by year. Years in which you would grow bigger, older, smarter, and, if you were lucky, sometimes wiser. Years in which you also lost some things. Possessions got misplaced. Memories faded. Friends parted ways. The best friends, you tried to hold on. This is what counts in life, isn’t it?
The 1950’s were indeed a special decade. The American economy is on the upswing. The cold war between the US and the Soviet Union is playing out throughout the whole decade. Anti-communism prevails in the United States and leads to the Red Scare and accompanying Congressional hearings. Africa begins to become decolonized. The Korean war takes place. The Vietnam War starts. The Suez Crisis war is fought on Egyptian territory. Fidel Castro, Che Guevara and others overthrow authorities to create a communist government on Cuba. Funded by the US, reconstructions in Japan continue. In Japan, film maker Akira Kurosawa creates the movies Rashomon and Seven Samurai. The FIFA World Cups are won by Uruguay, then West Germany, then Brazil.
I don’t remember the movie that was all the rage when was 15, Madame X. I do remember the songs playing on the radio when I was 15. One was Paint It Black by The Rolling Stones. I was in love with Kathy Jonasse. Who were you in love with, do you remember?
In 1951, 15 years earlier, a long time ago, the year when I was born, the song The Tennessee Waltz by Patti Page topped the US charts. Do you know the lyrics? Do you know the tune? 
There’s a kid outside, shouting, playing. He doesn’t care about time. He doesn’t know about time. He shouts and he plays and thinks time is forever. I was once that kid. However, now my time is short.
When I was 9, the movie The Absent Minded Professor was playing. When I was 8, there was The Shaggy Dog.
6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1… it’s 1951. There’s TV noise coming from the second floor. Someone turned up the volume way too high. The sun is burning from above. These were different times. The show playing on TV is The Roy Rogers Show . The sun goes down. Someone switches channels. There’s Truth or Consequences on now. That’s the world I was born in.
Progress, year after year. Do you wonder where the world is heading towards? The technology available today would have blown your mind in 1951. Do you know what was invented in the year I was born? The Combined Oral Contraceptive Pill. Liquid Paper. The Nuclear Power Reactor.
“He was born on a winter day, 1951
And with a slap of a hand, he had landed as an only son
His mother and father said what a lovely boy
We’ll teach him what we learned, ah yes just what we learned”
That’s from the song Lonely Boy by Andrew Gold.
In 1951, a new character entered the world of comic books: Schroeder from the Peanuts. Bang! Boom! But that’s just fiction, right? In the real world, in 1951, Gordon Brown was born. And Jane Seymour. Charles De Lint, too. And me, of course. Everyone an individual. Everyone special. Everyone taking a different path through life. 
Now It’s 2016. The world is a different place.